This is one of those posts where I hover over the publish button thinking do I / don't I? Well, here goes...
When life hands you some lemons, make sure to turn your frown upside down...
How I ended up where I am today:
Three years ago I would never have considered leaving the nursing profession. I loved the patients that I worked with, I loved the staff that I worked with and I loved the whole essence of nursing. Britain runs on the NHS and I won't be commenting on that particular institution in this post, as I'm sure everyone has their own thoughts. All I know is that I loved my job and I lived and breathed hospital life. I was a confident person and I put my heart and soul into everything that I did. I cared for my patients to the best of my abilities, even if that meant falling asleep after feeding my baby at 0300 and getting up at 0600 to catch the 0730 ferry to work. I often stayed beyond the time that I was meant to be there, getting home at 2230 to start all over again. I never left work until I was happy that everything had been dealt with properly, in order to hand over my report to the night-shift and start all over again the following day. Then life dealt me some rough, unexpected times....
I won't say what, but just imagine that your entire family fell apart. Well, that's what happened to me. I was left (with others) to deal with the aftermath. It was a hard, hard time. I'm quite a sensitive soul and I hadn't hardened up at that point in my life. I carried on with the daily routine. I watched other people close to me fall apart. It hurt so much to see them go through such a difficult time. It's not easy watching people you love fall into a deep depression. It's even harder when you carry so much stress of being the 'fixer' for so long, that eventually you can't take the load anymore. Eventually, I struggled to get up in the mornings and I struggled to go to work without feeling that I was going to be physically sick. I didn't think that I would make it through my days. I put a smile on my face, but the truth is that I was falling apart. I went from being a happy, confident person to a shadow of my former self. I felt incapable of the slightest task at work, I felt incapable of looking after my daughter and I felt incapable of just generally 'being'. My mum's angina was getting worse and she was the sole carer for my daughter when I was at work. I couldn't bare the thought of anything happening to her, as she is my best friend and my rock. I just couldn't live with that on my conscience, so when she told me how she was feeling, I spent two weeks thinking about it, then I handed in my months notice. It wasn't an easy decision and I had a hard time doing it, but deep down I felt it was for the best.
I also didn't know how ill my thyroid was making me at that time. I had been taken off my thyroxine medication not long after my daughter was born, but I just put most of it down to being worn out mentally and physically (I didn't actually realise how much my pesky thyroid gland was affecting me until 10 months after I left work).
The first two months went by in a daze. It was like I was completely desensitized from the world around me, like nothing was real anymore. It was the oddest feeling I've ever had, I felt completely detached from reality. I didn't want to go to the Doctor though, I didn't want to 'pop some pills'. I couldn't be bothered to wait on some list to see a therapist and with my Husband as sole wage earner, I couldn't afford one either! So I decided to start seeing the small positives in each day instead. Things didn't change overnight, it was a long, slow process. I spent all of my time with my daughter and I realised how much I had missed her developing while I had been at work. We laughed, we played and we just had fun. We painted, we played, we wept and we slept. We baked, we coloured and we watched silly tv programmes in our pyjamas. I guess being with her, I began to find my inner child again - something that I had long lost along life's way. She was my true therapy, and we just enjoyed 'being'.
One day, I woke up and life didn't feel so bad. I started reading a natural blog and it inspired me to share my passions with the world, so I started blogging about my natural journey. This was my therapy for getting back to nature. I had also been making my own 'concoctions' and thought why not do something about it? After good feedback from others, I decided that one day I would start my own online business and share my natural passion through my products too. It's taken a while but it's coming to fruition faster and faster each day!
I do miss nursing, but when I look back my favourite part was always wound care. I loved wounds, seriously, the worse they were, the more I enjoyed 'fixing' them and wrapping them up. To a lot of people, this will sound very odd, but it's what I knew, it's what I loved and it was my job. Now, I get to create formulas that will benefit the skin in different ways and I love the fact that I have been given the chance to turn a negative stand point in my life into such a fantastic turn around, while still helping other people. Ok, I'm not dressing wounds any more, but I'm still aiding the skin care of other people and that is something that I am happy about. I see it as my time to give something back to others.
Three years ago, I would have laughed in someones face if they suggested that I would leave nursing and become a soap-maker and skin care formulator. I can still look back in time and see the old me, but I didn't know what twists and turns lay in front of me at that point. Don't get me wrong, it's hard setting up your own business, you'll be up most of the day and night in the beginning but I can honestly say that I'm enjoying every minute of it all. My family and friends were surprised that I made the decision not to go straight back into nursing... I'd never say no to returning, but maybe on a part time basis. Plus I'm a different person now and I've learned that I want to watch my daughter grow. Being self-employed gives me the freedom to go to school activities and not miss Christmas dinners :)
So, never worry when life deals you some hard blows. Don't sit around and mope or feel sorry for yourself. The only person that can help you move forward in life is yourself! Nobody will drop down from the sky and knock at your door offering you a solution, so don't expect it. As the saying goes, 'Don't stand and wait for good things to happen, make them happen!'. Most importantly, always look for the positive moments, no matter how small, in each and every day.
Dana xxx
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